fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
