I think my fart just growled at me.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
