No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
