in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
