pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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