Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
