Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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