we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
