Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
