I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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