Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
