I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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