Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
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