pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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