Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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