I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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