sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
How does it feel to date your dad?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
