and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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