you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
