i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
