Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
