I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
