OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
