Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
