you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
