He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
