It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
