I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize