So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
