I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
