I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize