Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
