listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
