I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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