Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
