I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
