We're facebook friends in real life
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
