I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
