Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
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