chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
