I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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