You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
