Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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