I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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