you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I want to be your penis for a week.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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