I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You need Xanax blowdarts
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize