I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I am naked and annoyed.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
