Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I need water and some morals
Randomize
