Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
