Tell her she can't have a vagina
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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