Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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