We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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