I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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