You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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