Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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