Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
