I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
