my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
