How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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