You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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