dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
