he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The best revenge is premature balding
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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